Ah yeah! It is! I remember when I used to wake up in the morning and renew my commitment to my weight, I would lose weight, I would cut out all the “bad” foods, start going really hard at the gym and I would lose weight.

And guess what? If I stuck to it for long enough then the weight surely did drop off.

Here’s my problem though, when I lost the weight, I wanted to celebrate. Even if I didn’t lose what I wanted, the fact that I stuck to this super strict diet for more than 2 days was a cause for celebrating or the fact that I went to the gym was a cause to celebrate as well.

So ultimately, I put all the weight back on again… shit!

Cue all the feelings of worthlessness, self-pity, woe is me and I’ll never be thin feelings….

Initially, I’d stay in that place of massive inaction for a short amount of time, maybe an hour, a day, maybe a week. But then, as I failed over and over and over again to get the body I wanted, the time I spent, feeling like crap, judging myself for being unsuccessful, ugly and worthless would take longer and longer, so months and eventually years.

At one point, I developed an indifference to it all. According to yours truely, “I didn’t give a shit”, I’d laugh at myself for always being the big girl (taller and wider than everyone else), hoping that turning it in to a joke would make it less painless and help me be removed from the fact that I hated myself and my body.

And because I didn’t “give a shit”, I started wearing crappy clothes, I wouldn’t buy new clothes because shopping was a terrible experience and I’d often choose to stay at home instead of spending time with friends because I felt ugly and worthless and I knew if I went out with a bunch of girls who looked super hot, skinny and sexy then I’ll feel even worse.

It was such a horrible place to be and didn’t make sense, for a girl who really has it all in life, how could I be feeling like I needed to diet all the time, hide my body and that I wasn’t valuable to the world?

And here’s what I learned…

That I was giving too many f-ks about what I didn’t have and didn’t look at what I did have. So I didn’t have the body, I didn’t have the house or enough money, I wasn’t smart enough, cool enough, sexy or beautiful.

I’d forgotten how lucky I really was and I forgot to celebrate what was actually right in front of me and important.

So I got real, with the support and accountability from other mentors, I celebrated my life for what it was and who I was surrounded by. I exchanged the currency of my health from weight to energy and started creating a life full of energy.

And guess what?!

I went through this radical self-acceptance transformation (and I still am). I learned that I’m responsible for my experiences and only I can change them. I fell in love with my body, myself and built my self-confidence back up. I’m not saying that I’m the next bikini model, but I’m so impressed at what my body can do and accomplish whereas before, all I could see it as was a burden and a hindrance that made me feel like crap.

I never thought I’d see the day but I’m here, I actively choose foods that nourish me and make me feel really, really good. As opposed to foods that would bring me down, make me lethargic and moody.

Did I follow a diet? No. Have I lost weight? Yes. Would I do a diet again? No, or not in the way I used to treat diets which was temporary, awful, punishing experiences. 

So, what’s next?

For me, my journey continues. I’ve made significant leaps in the way I view my body and my health, even what my body looks like and that was an incredibly eye-opening experience but only the beginning for me. Now, my journey starts again with a whole new foundation of good habits as well as uncovering my next layer of beliefs holding me back from having what I want in my health, body, food or movement.

Love ya!

Chloe x

Ps. want help to get out of your rut and start feeling better in your own skin? Sign up for a complimentary discovery session to see what habits, food or lifestyle challenges are holding you back from your goals and in this call, you’ll also get clear on your vision for your body and health and help to build a step-by-step plan on your next steps to break free in a fun and sustainable way from everything holding you back.

 

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